Own Ideas

Do we die to our ideas and our life. This is my life, my family our ideas and our dreams. They may not be the same as anyone else's, but what they are, are MINE. That is something that so many people don't realize. we go around (and I am just as guilty) judging everyone else's path for life and to/with christ. sometimes that translates to, oh he drinks or oh she sleeps around; but less often and more hurtfully we don't  realize that what we are judging  are the big things. oh he is a stay at home dad; they are trying to go on mission with a baby! They understand that text that way? They read that translation/ go to that church, they won't go on the mission field or even travel beyond the small sphere they know.

My family is going on mission, we haven't left yet, and honestly we don't know where we might go, possible Africa, maybe Central America that still remains to be decided. My family includes Malia, Myself, and Rory. We are leaving, we are going to go wherever we choose because we feel called from christ to go live in the mission field away from the place we were born. We do not feel afraid of the world. Muslims didn't bomb the world trade center, germans didn't start either of the world wars, Russians didn't try to put missiles on cuba, and lybians didn't storm the embassy; Nor do I believe that Americans are hunted down like prize rhino horn and murdered to be used as aphrodisiacs on the black market. There are few streets I won't walk down in mexicalli mexico, however there numerous streets I wouldn't walk down in seattle. there are even whole sections of seattle malia isn't allowed to go on her own. This world is not a place of terrors unless you let the actions of a few dye your perception of the whole world. I refuse to let the actions of a few limit the scale and scape of the word being spread throughout the world. 

This is the write choice for my family of which I do not consider myself the leader of. "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." -Gen 2:18 Then there is the flesh of my flesh bone of my bone stuff and no where in there does adam say "hey babe you owe me, your my wife now and I own you, Im your master and your my slave. So malia and I are in agreement on this issue, and two are better than one and a three fold cord is not easily broken. The great commission "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. and surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."  -Matthew 28:18-20 of all the nations includes Egypt, Syria, China, America and Timbuktu, I get that I should also be concerned with my home town but that doesn't mean that I neglect the former assuming people in those locations will take care of themselves. I also bring as A key point of reference the disciples, while traveling they would make sure to hit a different jewish temples and cause enough commotion to be cased out of town while fleeing flying stones, which more than once led them to wake up in the care of a hospital or a nurse made. Not to say that Malia and I have plans to run into mosques and spout about christianity, Im just saying WWJD does apply to our situation.

This is my wife, she came to me from God and we are a team. In 2009 she left her family and her home to move to Cusco Peru where she stayed for 9 months, moved to Washington D.C by way of New York and eventually took a craigslist add for a nanny of triplet boys in Italy. This job took her Vermont after falling in love both with the triplets and her host family, where she felt called by God to move back home. Upon moving home, she shortly there after found her brother in the hospital in Chicago in a coma. During this time she was also able to attend the funeral of her beloved Hawaiian grandmother, who still resides in a small palm box on our bathroom windowsill. 6 months after arriving home from Vermont she was introduced to a strapping young lad with cute hair and a nose ring. Within 8 months we were married and pregnant with a baby who is now a beautiful boy named Rory. That can not be considered coincidence, because that would make us the biggest stream of coincidences to coincide in the history of coincidences. Up until a few months ago I was the only church going member of my childhood family, both brothers and my parents would never consider going on mission let alone long term mission. Upon meeting, marrying my wife we became an unstoppable force for christ and because we can directly see his hand our story we acknowledge that his plans for us continue on foreign soil. We know this because before our marriage and until we sought out the Covenant Church I had applied and been in communication with multiple missions companies none of which would even honor me with a response email; and now we are coming up on the completion of the decrement process, hoping to leaven within the next year and a half.

This is the best and only choice for my family. This is my family and this is our choice, you do not have to agree with us, you don't have to join us. while we would love to see anyone we know visit us while we live our lives on the mission field, that is your choice to visit us or not, either way we are still leaving. I have stood by in the protection of politeness keeping my opinions to myself about my family's path and plan. That time is over, you don't have like it is the best choice for my family and if you dissagree I will fight you. I will defend my family and our choices regardless of who you are. They are my family in Christ, ransomed from hell with the blood of Jesus.

underwear and capes

When do our dreams stop growing? When we are kids we are told to dream but, not really, our dreams are supposed to be rained in and not be too ridiculous. We tell our children to reach for the stars, but you better apply to 2 backup colleges and get a respectable job so you can take care of your family, have a 401k or at the very least a IRA. we say dream but we don't really mean it. I for one was going to be batman, until I realized that the rooftops in Maple Valley were really far apart and not as much crime happens on rooftops as you would think. I would wear a pair of (respective) superhero themed underwear on the outside of my superhero pajamas so I would look more like said superhero, that was being portrayed at that time. But then I was told to maybe bring my dreams down from the stars to the clouds. culinary school/art school, became get a job. Get a job became lost my job and I suddenly find myself dreaming for ground level. A job any job even if I hate it at least its a job. But when 5 year old me gets ahold of my brain I realize, I hate that idea! 

My dreams haven't gotten smaller or lower, they have changed and become more dense, while they have been hiding away down in the depths of my brain they have been percolating, boiling and reducing in something much better than 5 year old me could have ever imagined. The dream for a good job is only the adolescent in my seeking fame and fortune. The real me has always sought to be a lifesaver. That has always been the title of my paper. That has taken many years to develop. It has taken thinking about being an occupational therapist, making people walk again; more like listen to people whine and get a cortisone shot instead of do the exercises. Becoming a chef and subsequently a bartender let me be a therapist without all the pesky degrees, keeping people from leaving thier husbands/wifes or jumping into traffic; people just want someone to listen to their first world problems and to keep the opinions to a paying customer basis only. Missionary...   (am i the only one who loves Pj funny bunny?)

Just after high school I had been going on a spring break mission trip, down to mexico to teach vbs camp. They told me to pack my cape, they told me to bring cash, a hammer, wet wipes. They were wrong the people were far cleaner than I was (wipes are useless). They had really nice houses, they just weren't 3 stories (they own hammers). I didn't need money because they had their own and they would give me the shirt off their backs if I had only asked them, even if I didn't ask them. I didn't need my cape! they fed me, they loved me, they cared about me and prayed for me. My favorite thing is when people don't realize how empty their lives are. when I am home and looking at my shiny new computer, or my slightly older shiny computer, my printer my printer thats right ladies and gentlemen two computers two printers, all Malia and I can think is how excited we are to be on the mission field without all this stuff. Doesn't fit in the suitcase, doesn't go.  My dreams are different than most people, my dreams are different than they used to be. They are better they are more refined and I know more about them than before. I know I don't need a cape, and throwing money at anything doesn't solve anything. They aren't blank and I no longer have ideas that I'm going to go save people. My 500 square foot flat is too big, my clothes don't have nearly enough dirt on them, and I'm tired o. I want to smile at people in the street and not be looked at as though Im crazy. I want to be a nomad. I want my son to grow up with brothers and sisters all over the world from different places. I want his life to be better than my own, not easier but better.

Find a job you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life. Well guess what jobs we love aren't as easy to come by as we were led to believe, and what do we do until we find that job we love. What if, what if, what if? For some time I will have to work a job I don't love, that time will be spent refining my dreams, desires and hopes for the world. At some point I will be free and I will be able to unleash my dreams on the world and unlike a dictator I will work under the radar.  With a bible and a shovel I will be changed by every person I pass, I wont wear a cape, I wont have any money. But I will be as happy as the 5 year old me with batman pajamas. It wont always be easy but he will be proud of the work being done

lipstick on a pig.
     you mean philanthropy
no I mean lipstick on a pig
     you mean good deeds
no I mean pissing on my leg and telling me its raining
    it is raining
no its not your peeing on my leg
    either way its out of the kindness of our proverbial heart

this is the basis of many conversations that i have as of late. I have been out of work for a total of two weeks now and I have realized that the problem with me being out of work lies in the fact that when I'm not tired from my day at work and away from my family i tend to wish the world was a better place and hope to find a way to fix, help, aid, save, do something that will leave the world a better place when i lay my head on my pillow and wait the twenty minutes before i hear the hammock shake and my son protest at his desire to be fed or rocked back to sleep. But thats the problem, Humans, Americans in particular dont want help. not only do they not want help but they look at me as though im crazy for having a desire to help anyone. So American is the desire to just throw money at it and turn to walk away. I recently watched a documentary called Pink Ribbon Inc. and that got me thinking... well not really it mostly corroborated what i had already thought. But ill get back to that a little bit later, maybe.

Ive been out of work I spend my day playing with my now month and half old baby learning which scream is, I want a nap and which is I hate you. It's not an exact science. When my time isn't being used by Rory or making huge messes in the kitchen or job searching it is spent dreaming. Dreaming is a very dangerous thing to do.

Facts about dreaming

1) you have to think for yourself

2) you have to awaken your deep desires

3) you might learn something about yourself

4) you might if you try hard enough loose yourself in your dreams

5) everything might change.

Ok so I made most of those up, Ok all of them but that is really the way I feel. Obviously Malia and I have had a desire to change the world as it is but things are different when we aren't as busy, not misunderstand we still want to change the world but the world and the things that need to be changed have expanded exponentially. Aside from going on the mission field, getting water, mosquito nets, toilets, general sanitation, THE WORD OF GOD. There also smaller things like getting rGHB out of the world, and to stop ingesting them. To make wal-mart go out of business. Causing our government, the susan G colman foundation actually do something instead of just walk and get rich but actually DO something beneficial (I told you I would get back to it). To make green washing, pink washing or any other kind of washing a thing of the past. If your a bad company people should know. Funding education and green technology doesn't get you off the hook for using child labor in sweet shops. I have started thinking for myself, with the simple act of dreaming I thought, I learned about myself and I got lost. 

Now I am lost and everything will be changing. I caution you to watch out, like the emblem blazoned  heroes of my childhood, my family is coming for you, and someday I just hope to feel my head hit my pillow with a sense of accomplishment. Accomplishment that will fuel the never ending fires of progress, progress in Christ, for his people, for his creation. Progress.

"Death is forever, it can wait its turn." -Robert vaughn "Excuse Me For Living"

Death is forever, and that includes those of us who are both, waiting for the second coming or plan on seeing the gates of pearl when we get to new zion. Death is forever and unless you are someone who is just so existential that the great commission doesn't apply to you because its all just meaningless in the end, then there is a whole lot to do before we see the rider on the white horse. Don't get me wrong sometimes I lay awake at night just thinking of how I want to see the whole scenario go down but until then I will have to deal with living here on creation. And honestly I don't think thats all bad, in reference to life for those who are in christ.

"This is the closest to heaven you will ever be and the furthest from heaven." -somebody

I think a big part of being on creation is making it what you want to be, and doing what you want to do. As a christian I am commanded to carryout the great commission and make disciples of all the nations, but how and when I do that is up to me, and what I fill in the in between with is also mine to choose. Recently I either started writing or finished writing a post about the grass being greener on the other side. If you are the other person along with my wife who reads this blog then I'm sorry if it was really long winded and scattered. The main point was that I don't think its so wrong to think the grass is greener on the other side and its exactly that mentality that causes us to cross the bridge. or maybe that wasn't the main idea but it is now. The grass being greener is what makes some think that the access to clean water, or food should be the same on either side of any bridge and thus we get our world changers. Others that they could do a job just as well as a man and 50 years later we have women CEO's of numerous fortune 500 companies. But I think this includes the smaller things as well.

"IF YA HEAVY, WALK HEAVY. IF YA SKINNY TURN TO THE SIDE. BE WHO YOU ARE" -Harvey Carey

My wife and I recently attended a wedding that was deemed the wedding of our generation. Based solely off the fact that we didn't know anyone whom we knew. I.E all the people we don't like weren't there. We deemed this wedding as such because we knew of a slew of weddings to come that would not only be attended by people who we don't like, but officiated by pastors whom we don't trust or believe in, later we will be forced to attend a wedding in which we don't believe in the marriage. And thats just within the next year AND just weddings let alone all the social situations we will run into that we wont like, and why? Just so someone can see us for a brief second on their special day that they wont remember by morning. This has recently gotten fairly ranty hasn't it? Sorry ill try to tone it down. We should be who we want to be.

If death is forever and can wait its proverbial turn then who's turn is it now. "Its Gods turn man, just give him a chance to change you." -my hippy self. Well he has made a change in me and I don't believe that it is to waste my time doing things that put me in a sullen mood. Ya I pay my taxes and go to work when Im employed (...to Caesar what is Caesar's) but the rest of my time Im not giving to God. Im giving it to things that I don't want to do. Like weddings, job hunting and insurance shopping, politics watching or unrest about the things that matter but aren't getting done. Mosquito nets for sleeping, diatomaceous earth, wells aren't being dug fast enough. Yet here I sit typing on a computer that cost enough to buy mosquito nets for 150 families, complaining about how I have to go to weddings.

If death is waiting, shouldn't I be doing something with my time? Shouldn't we all.

"Fake it till you make it."

 "God will only give you what you can handle."

Now I'm going to throw some definitions down for you. 

"Fake-A thing that is not genuine; a forgery or sham."

"genuine-truly what something is said to be; authentic:"

Now I'm going to throw some names at your face.

moses, job, saul, ruth, naomi, hosia, daniel, john, joseph... and the list goes on and on. Just to drive over the beaten dead horse a little more here are some verses that aren't in the bible.

God-"Hey man I know it sounds hard but just fake your enthusiasm for awhile and everyone will begin to love eating mana. And don't worry but Im going on a vacation, you'll be fine with leading a nation, Would I give you more than you could handle?"

Were I to hear a voice from the sky that told me to build my first boat out of wood and that it needed to not only be 450 feet long but that it had to hold, feed, separate two of every animal that walked the earth and it has to float, because He is going to make it rain for 40 days and 40 nights and flood the earth and kill everyone..   .   .   .   . lets be honest, thats pretty heavy stuff and my reaction no matter now imediate or delayed would certainly not, and most likely never be, "well ok, I guess if God has given me this talk I must be capable of completing it." nor would it be "No man I've got this, I don't need building lessons Ill just start and hopefully boat building will just come to me like this perky attitude." Oh and I am pretty sure lying is a shoe in for things God doesn't want us to do. God has never claimed to be the person who will support you even though you would be fine without him. God spacifically puts people in situations that they are incapable of handling without him and he blatantly tells us to be truthful with Him, ourselves and others. 

My wife has been doing all the work with our new son who is 29 days old now. I have already started back at work and she is the one who takes care of him all day long, then again at night she is the one who has to wake up and feed and calm him during the night. She is tired and I have been feeling bad that I havent been helping enough. So yesterday I didn't have to leave for work until 10:30 but was going to be gone until at least 11:30 so I wanted to let Malia sleep while I played with Rory in the morning with my coffee. I woke up and changed his diaper, and sat with him on my lap while I caught up on twitter and played games on my phone, when I heard a fart and immediately saw liquid poop flow up and out from the front of his diaper. Across his belly and down his sides. In a panic I placed my hand against his sides to collect and block the poop off from getting on our down comforter, I was unsuccessful. Now with a sleeping wife, poop on my hands, the bed and the baby I realized the way that I was holding Rory would not facilitate picking him up and moving him to his changing station without grabbing him with my poopy hands. A half pack of wet wipes and twenty minutes later i stripped the comforter off my wife and replaced it with blankets changed Rory again and tried to mop up any residual poop drippings all, for the most part without waking malia up. As a first time father and having changed my first poopy diaper 29 days ago, I can firmly say God will give you more than you can handle. But when you lean on Him you will make it through without harm. He later blew out a second diaper all over his car seat and then... you guessed it a third diaper all over me later that night, missing his jumper and getting all over my pants and shirt.

shadrack, meshack, and abendago (sp) where all given more than they could handle, they were three average joes who were thrown into a furnace. Noah was a drunk, Moses had lost favor with the Jews when he murdered a man. Joseph was thrown into a pit, sold into slavery and then became king all over a silly coat. If you think Daniel could handle being thrown into a pit full of starving lions and having the opening closed locked and sealed (think wax sealing a letter) you are an idiot. None of those men could handle what was being thrown at them, what made them successful was leaning on God. The three were not wearing flame suits, Noah didn't lasso a pair of every animal, Moses needed more help than the rest combined with the exception of Joseph (poor guy) and daniel did not glue lion jaws shut nor did he play them a tune on his piccolo. In addition none of them when being thrown into their proverbial/literal hole said "No don't worry, I'll be fine!" 

we have so many things to struggle with, self image, health, money, marriage, children, work, how to cram in the most vacation to a two day weekend why should we also worry about who to go to when we are spend and used up and tired and out of ideas, enthusiasm or incentive to move on we have a gracious host that will take our load from us. We must not fall into the devils trap of being fake or thinking that we can handle it on our own because God wouldn't test us or stress us. It says that as iron sharpens iron so does man sharpen fellow man, but what the good book also says God will break our heart of stone. That should be a blow we all relish in when it's over.

In referance to God advancing the kingdom.

        "Please, dont miss it because the American Dream seems a reasonable substitute, countering the apparent downside to living simply so others can live at all." - Jen Hatmaker

7 an experimental mutiny against excess

The first time I read that I read it as a responsible substitute. A responsible substitute for advancing the kingdom of God. When I think of the resposible or the reasonable substitute i still think of the same thing i think that is a shitty excuse for a substitute. Here are some facts about the reasonable substitute.

There is the idea that in America we have so much money that we have enough money that we invent things to spend our money on, instead of using our money for useful things. Didn't really say that very well, basically instead of helping the poor, or doing something about world hunger, we just invent things that we "need" so that we have something to do with our money.

I will now bring to your attention things that should not have been invented or purchased with money that could have go towards doing anything good for the planet.

1. This computer that i am writing $1500ish dollars 

2. anything that is sold at a state fair

3. ass gaskets (toilet seat covers)

4. bum hole bleach (had a table of 5 talking about it in the bar tonight)
5. lazer hair removal
6. disposable vibrating razor heads... with 5 blades, because you'll believe anything

when most people live, yes live on less than a dollar a day i am proud of myself when I leave the house and make it back having spent less than a $20, and sometimes thats just going to work and coming home. Don't get me wrong I love my beer and I would count myself among the hypocrites I have an Iphone 4s, I have numerous Leather items that are not cheep (most gifts) so understand Im saying to me as much as Im saying this to the no one who reads this blog (I've told no one about) we need to be different. We need to be better, we need to be globally conscious and forget about invisible imaginary lines on a map, and start thinking about humans. We need to change who we are because the american dream, is a nightmare I am afraid of.

Three weeks ago I had a son. Three weeks ago 10 months of hard work on my wife's part and grey hair and worry on my part ended. There is no more early morning puking runs, or juice runs, popsicle boxes cluttering the ice box. Three weeks ago my family and I racked up an eighteen and a half thousand dollar hospital bill (all covered by the fine folks at group health.) and we got to bring home our son. our son is wonderful and beautiful. He sleeps through the night and he loves to hangout with both of his parents (I tend to get very jealous). he still has 10 fingers and 10 toes, he said MA! for the first time today and we know it had nothing to do with the future formation of ma, or mother, or mama but its a start and monumental all the same. His mother is more wonderful and capable than any baby could hope for and I can assuredly say his father is at least trying.
What I sadly realize is that just because he is awesome and perfect doesn't mean anything has changed in the grander sense of things. His social security card was miss printed and when I called for an explanation I was met with a wall of bureaucracy. obviously we weren't responsible for paying any of our 18000+ delivery and additional stay bill, but there was still a bill. an enormous bill! on the subject of insurance, insurance on Rory last 21 days after birth. You cant apply for insurance without a social security number, insurance coverage starts on the first of the month and it takes 19 days for them to get you your social security card (which again, is wrong) and then you can just apply for insurance. They found a cure for malaria but we have to keep testing it until 2013 until we can think about mass distribution and cost is not even on the table for discussion yet. Something tells me malaria will still be a thing when Rory is getting his drivers license. democrats still disagree with republicans and vis versa, but everyone claims to want the same thing. Rational intelligence has been replaced with liking an idea you saw on facebook without doing any of the thought or math involved.
And yet, here is a boy 10 fingers 10 toes who makes more progress in one day than most people do. From the time he wakes up to the time he goes to sleep his mind has exploded with information and realization, he doesn't hold his cry until there is a break in the conversation, or until we are out of the store where it is more appropriate to protest a dirty diaper. He farts when he wants to and he eats when he wants, pays everyone with smiles and cuddles. He doesn't care who you are married to, where your party lines are, if you agree with drugs or if you abstain. He only cares that you love him and help him when he is in need.
To think that we have something to learn from babies seems idiotic in America, but I have been more informed and educated by this little boy in three weeks than i was through all of junior high school. I hope to see more people moved and educated by babies, protesting injustice be it a dirty diaper or genocide, self hunger or the clean water crisis, that a child under 5 dies every 14 second from diarrhea. Thats the one with the song about sliding into first, ya people die from that. or the 655,000 who die of malaria every year, for which we have potentially found a cure... that we are testing for at least the next year, thats 655,000 more people dead, because we don't want to risk not charging appropriately. I will change the world, be it one blog, one person, one child, on mission, I will change the world and my family will be there right along side of me supporting me when I realize how much work there is to do.
I'm going to go hold my son now.