Yesterday florida was windy. Why do I know that florida was windy, because when it is windy in Florida, they have problems with their internet. Why does wind interfere with the internet in Florida, well... here ends my knowledge of florida. But to explain why I know what the weather and the internet are like in Florida are like is because I had a skype call with a couple in Florida. They are the regional directors for Latin America and the Caribbean missions. As Malia and I have been looking to get into long term missions we have been unable to determine what and where we would be serving. We have obviously spent time on our own to see what we might do and thinking about what we would like to do, but it is nice to talk to someone who is in the know with what our options are. There was alway a chance that something would happen. Not the world would end or something like that. Like something would happen in the sense that they wouldn't be able to accept us because they don't want a family, or because they just weren't accepting new missionaries this year or something. Much the the contrary they seem to be really excited to add new missionaries. We talked for about an hour and a half, they had a lot of information for us and they generally seem very nice and excited at our decision to join missions with the convenient church. 

What does this mean for us at this point. Well really it doesn't mean anything we have certainly learned a lot more than we knew last week, but everything can change at a moments notice, or even at no notice at all. We are accepted to missions short term for now and we will soon find out where we are going and what we will be doing, but for now that is all we really know. We might not be able to raise the money. Between the down economy, kickstarters, youtube, friends, family, our own money, micro enterprise, the church, or anything else that we can think of to make money fundraising might not be enough. We are currently looking at South America and there is always a chance that we could be pulled out as soon as we arrive due to drug wars. There are a million things that could happen to us that would stop us from being able to serve abroad. There are a million things that could go wrong but everything only has a 50/50 chance. 

Just as scary as the chance that something could go wrong is the chance that everything could go right. We could find ourselves in location that will require us to be there for our entire career as missionaries. We could find ourselves serving in a country that loves and celebrates our arrival. A location that takes care of us and we could have people who support us throughout the years. Rory could love living in the jungle, being home schooled, living on the mission field. We might never come back, it might be perfect. This chance is scary because we are fallen and the idea that the lord would bless us without us being deserving scares me. For those of us that fall into shame and despair, we don't understand how to accept the gifts from God. We will always be waiting for the other shoe to drop. I can read the bible I can accept the love of Christ and know that he died for my sins and that all has been forgiven and that no matter what I have done God will always be there for me. That doesn't me that there isn't still the chance that the other shoe may drop at any moment. I am learning to trust God more as I am unable and unwilling to stand ever ready for something tragic to happen. He will take care of my family and I know that, but the fear of both failure and success are still ever present.

I understand that as christians we are always on the mission field. I often think that all churches should have "You are now entering the mission field." on the overhang of the sanctuary doors just like the church in El Centro, who's floors I have ever so lovingly slept on for many years on my way into Mexicalli in early April, so that you see it every time you leave. But as some are called to the mission field in Detroit, others to Compton, some even in their own town, My wife and I feel called to international missions so that is where we are headed. God has blessed our path this far and we pray that he bless it further. For myself, my wife and my son we are looking at a potential year left here in America before we are able to head off on our adventure. This year will be packed, probably even more than the last and we can't wait.